Beyond the Swipe by Kristin Fry
Author:Kristin Fry
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Kregel Publications
Published: 2018-04-24T04:00:00+00:00
Questions for Reflection
1. Describe a time when you found yourself saying yes when you wanted to say no. Why do you think you said yes?
2. In what ways do women ignore warning signs in relationships? Have you done this? Why or why not?
3. Do you feel confident that you can say no to the guy who treats you like an option? Why or why not?
4. What does it look like for you to invite God into your relationships?
[CHAPTER 6]
Options, Part 2: The Roster
We’ve been around rosters our entire lives. On the first day of school, our teachers used the classroom roster to call our names. (I’m sorry to those of you who have complicated first or last names. One would think Kristin Fry is a pretty straightforward name, but you’d be surprised at the variations people come up with.) When we go to a sporting event, someone hands out a program with a roster detailing the stats of all the players. If you have ever tried out for a school team, you may remember waiting until the preassigned time when the roster would be uploaded (or in my case, taped to the inside of the classroom window), listing if you were in or out. It was brutal, really. Though I suppose now with the everyone-gets-a-trophy generation, when the roster goes up, everyone is automatically in. There still might be the chance that one coach will go rogue and be bold enough to say, “No, I’m sorry you cannot be on this team. This team is for varsity volleyball players. I’m sure you would work really hard, but on this team, the ball needs to make it over the net, not into it.”
And then there’s the dating roster. A dating roster is a tool that many single folks use to keep themselves in the dating game without having to really commit to anything serious. Rosters can be breeding grounds for optionitis. But more than that, there is a danger that we will treat them like a security blanket. Optionitis is a man’s failure to choose you, whereas your own roster reflects what you are doing to men. Sometimes saying no means saying no to yourself and not just the other person. A lot of single people use rosters to fill the gap between total loneliness and committed relationship.
You may be one of these people. A roster is filled with people you have connected with based on mutual interest, but neither of you have taken a step toward anything past flirting. A roster is what you pull out when you are questioning if anyone finds you attractive, interesting, or desirable. You only need to go through your list of previous matches to know that interested parties are in fact out there and all hope is not lost. Additionally, when things get rocky with your boyfriend, you may be tempted to pull out your roster and find security in knowing there is a plan B, should your current relationship go south.
I know a couple who had been dating exclusively for five months.
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